CONFRONTING CONFLICT

One of the great privileges of leadership is helping shape the lives of people.  We are given the opportunity to help others grow, change and mature in to who God created each person to be.   We are giving the opportunity to develop ministry.  For many, change does not come easily, and often results in conflict.  Conflict is a natural and necessary part of growth in the life of people and ministry.  

Many find conflict to be a difficult thing.   It challenges comforts, issues of sin, relationships, leadership and the status quo.  Conflict can create fear and paralyze us from moving forward.   It can be caused by a myriad of things such as sin, immaturity, or simply creative differences.

Matthew 5:23 states “If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.”  Scripture compels us to deal with conflict in a wise and healthy manner, but it does not teach us to avoid it.

Here is what happens when we avoid conflict:

·         Avoiding Conflict Prevents Vision – Conflict not dealt with stops vision.  It causes us to shift our eyes from the big picture to the small problems.  It grips us with worry about the situations at hand.  We no longer look up to the vision ahead, but instead we look at the problems around us.  When Peter took his eyes of Jesus and saw the water coming, he began to sink.  Conflict will come, but don’t shift your eyes off of the vision God gives you.

·         Avoiding Conflict Prevents Growth – When conflict is not dealt with, it stops growth.  We avoid making changes and we never see progress.  Fear grips us from ever moving forward with creativity or new ideas because we have become paralyzed by fear of conflict. 

·         Avoiding Conflict Limits Ministry – Many ministries remain limited and see little involvement because they are bound by the wounds of conflict.   This is often caused by poor conflict management or because an issue was never resolved or dealt with properly.  It can also be caused because we personalize the problems.  Bad conflict management causes us to not trust people.  Undealt with wounds from conflict keep us from using others and helping others growing in ministry.

The reality is that conflict is inevitable.  We must learn how to deal with it in a healthy manner.  Here are some practical ways to deal with conflict:

·         Find Healthy Solutions.  Have the attitude that you want to help this person grow and become better. Work toward constructive conflict that creates solutions to help bring clarification and resolution.  If someone is not willing to deal with it or find a workable solution then move on. Don’t dwell on the issue.  If you have handled it properly then leave it along and “shake off the dust” and move on.  You have done your part. 

·         Seek Wisdom and Counsel.  Most likely, someone has dealt with a similar issue that you are currently facing.  Know that you don’t have all the answers, and the humility will go a long way when dealing with conflict .  Mentors will have advice and insight that can help you properly handle whatever you are facing.    

·         Pick Your Battles.   Some things do need to be let go.  Don’t make the mistake of turning a minor in to a major.  Counsel helps you learn the measuring stick of how to deal with conflict.   Some things are simply because of taste, preference, or personal style.  When you spend so much time dealing with minor issues, it weakens your leadership when you need to deal with major issues.  Learn the balance of dealing with conflict.

·         Attitude is Everything.   Scripture teaches us to come with a soft tongue.  Pray for God to give you the right attitude so that you can address the issue with a clear state of mind.  Know your own personal limitations so that a wrong attitude does not get in the way.   Go with the attitude that we are called to serve. Even when we are right, if our attitude is wrong, it can unnecessarily further the problem. 

·         Communication is the Key.  But up front and honest.  Be clear and fully informed.  Listen to what they have to say.   Listening is a powerful tool in conflict. Don’t assume you know the whole story or have it all figure out.  Often, conflict is present because of misinformation or partial information.   Work towards a workable plan to communicate for resolution.  

Conflict can be healthy.  Conflict comes because something needs to change.  It shows you want to move forward, make change, and see progress in ministry or the life of an individual. John Maxwell states “The best team doesn’t always win; it’s usually the team that gets along best.”  Learn how to handle conflict so that we can do all that God has called us to do.

Abe Daniel - District Student Ministries Director

Northern California and Nevada Assemblies of God Student Ministries